Maybe I am not a very suitable candidate when it comes to topics regarding romance and marriages. I witnessed too many failed marriages around me and that undeniably seeded some doubts and pessimism in me. Also the fact that I had a childish but a long crush on someone when I was 16 is not counted as a romantic experience because there was no second party involved. Thus being someone who has a slightly nefarious attitude towards romantic love and with no prior experience of this sort, people may find whatever I will be saying in this post as unreliable and biased. Maybe, maybe not. Because I don't go by the experiential route lecturing but instead I focus on logic of biological survival traits.
I think everyone can agree with me that the existence of marriage is able to stand by its own without the addition of romantic love. Thus it is safe to assume that many of our ancestors got married mainly due to the evolutional mind-set to pass on the genes. The presence of romance in the later stages not only beautifies the culture and history, but also provides as an essential reason to be with someone permanently.
You look at the person, mesmerised by his or her beauty, charmed by his or her humour and touched by the kindness and strong spirits that were within him or her. Then you decide this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, because you enjoy his or her presence and you're certain you will not regret.
The paragraph above is a very simple and straightforward almost ideal process of marriage which starts from romance. The world will be a much cleaner, yes cleaner not necessarily better, place if everyone follow this suits somehow or another. Single parents and illegitimate children will not exist or at least will be much less prevalent than nowadays. By the way if you think I have prejudice against single parents and illegitimate children, go ahead and stay offended.
Well the problem here is many many people are not like this. They get themselves messily involved in romance and wonder why their relationship do not turn out anywhere near bliss.
Many people, seem to have this irregular 'romance' switch in their minds. Upon reaching certain stages or phases in their lives, such as reaching the age of 18 or 21, reached puberty, work life stabilized, become rich and stepping into middle-age, they feel it is time for them to have a partner. This is problem number one. They want to find a partner because it is time to do so, it is right to do so, it is fun to do so. They venture out to rummage one creature which is willing to feel it is time for him or her to find a partner, willing to feel it is right for him or her to find a partner and willing to feel it is fun for him or her to find a partner.
Lots of times the creature feels the same, or willing to feel the same. Hence a romance commenced and followed by series of dating procedures. As time goes by, people find that the creature they had rummaged through the crowd has a whole set of flaws that beyond their tolerance. Soon bickers and cold wars break out, the passion die off and their 'love' gone with the wind.
LOL. Laugh out loud again and again. Why do they call these relations as 'love'? When they set out to search for a partner their intention is to find one person who is willing the spend the time with them, do the right thing for them and have fun with them. People change, the partners can be fed up with spending time with you, they can do the right thing with other people and they got bored in this 'fun' capade. No all these things can be strictly considered as acts of benevolence or calls of duty, but not romantic love.
Let's go back to the first step of the simple procedure which I had proposed earlier. The usual first step is to be attracted by the appearance of the person. Some people may skip this step and jump into the humour part. This step is not a superficial move in the whole process because appearance attraction stems from our ancestry but the thing is many people stop at this step. Numerous websites advertising good-looking singles, screaming in written words 'I NEED A TRUE LOVE.' People flooding to these beautiful creatures but very soon they realise outward beauty fades faster than their hair dye. Again, interests lost and 'love' gone with the wind.
Abraham Maslow once stated sex is a basic need and mere sex is a direct outcome of physical attraction, mutual I hope. Therefore, let's simplify further, you just want sex to satisfy your flesh if your interest in a person halts at his or her looks. There are bound to be many people denying this, they can go on about how great the other person's personality is. But at the bottom of our heart we know that we stay on because their looks have not become exhaustive in your eyes.
If people successfully move on from the physical attraction stage to humour and inner characteristics, marriages of these people are very probable and are likely to succeed too. This is the very sample of romantic marriage.
People fail in relationship and marriages because their very initial intention of getting a relationship is not love and their ultimate goal of relationship is not marriage. If you started out to fish someone to just spend time with you how could you expect him or her to love you? Yes you may end up infatuated with that fellow but that fellow does not have an obligation to return the favour. Also when your final destination of a relationship is not marriage or anything like a marriage, then how in the name of all things wonderful your relationship turns out fine? Marriage needs great commitment, the foundation of marriage may still be love but the nature of carrying out love is utterly different from the times when you are dating. You do not want to get married in the end so your behaviours in the very beginning will not display the great responsibility that a marriage requires. The partners may not be verbally aware of this unwritten rule but they feel it and they react to it.
That explains why he or she suddenly cease to be jealous, clingy, talkative, sensitive or passionate. At the some point of the relationship their patience quota is used up and they are no longer satisfied with just helping you to spend your time or doing the right things for you. Many times they move on to another potential individual who may satisfy them longer and deeper. What an analogy for sex.
The silver lining here is you don't have to be overly dramatic about your relationship failure. The truth can be you learn to step into a relationship when you feel the strong affection for someone, instead of 'feeling it's time/right thing/fun' to do so.
God bless everyone of you.
