I really believe I'm not the only one who had named her toys.
Furry teddy bear as Winston Exeter and hilarious rubber chicken Simon Vale.
The only startling point is that not only I gave them a name but also a last name, adopted Japan's style of getting their last names: by the places they live.
I talked to them.
Winston was with me after I came back to Singapore but Simon only came when I moved to Kent Vale.
I talked to Winston about everything, not in a random manner as I tend to talk to my friends but always try to start from the very beginning, peeling the matter in a trying systematic way.
One reason of me talking to them is because I believe talking helps me to stay clear-minded.
Even though, just as Sherlock Holmes in Elementary said, "I still prefer animated objects (humans or animal)".
I would like to, but I have no pets or no such "Watson" beside me.
The other reason is that I need someone to talk to.
I speak to God sometimes but God doesn't need me to recite everything from my mind since He already knows everything I want to say.
I still talks to Him though.
I can't talk to my Mum, she's the type of parent who loves to make a mountain out of a molehill and turn every conversation into a lecture.
I understand her, and appreciate that sometimes, it's just too tiring to persuade her to listen to me and respond accordingly like a friend will do.
Well, I guess you can assume that I'm a self-centred person.
I guess, or I believe, or I'm convinced that loneliness is the core reason.
I'm lonely.
There is no friends whom I can find anymore can listen to my ramble.
They all gone, to Australia, to New Zealand, to United Kingdom.
Not saying I don't have any other friends but there is something about me now.
I've changed.
Changed in a manner that I couldn't face my other not-so-close-but-on-good-terms friends.
It would just exhaust the soul out of me if I care to explain to them the changes I undergone.
Also I can literally picture their responses and their followed actions after my impenetrable explanation.
Of course you can say I don't have the need to explain myself but thing is I don't view them as I did before.
I'm different now so you, the world in my new perspective, is different now too.
Ah talk about perspective, there's a powerful quote from The Kite Runner, "Perspective is a luxury when your head is constantly buzzing with demons."
I prayed hard that I'm not that case.
At the same time I couldn't, or I don't want, to make new friends.
I know I have plenty of opportunities.
As long as I have the patience, a strong friendship can be forged in a year's time.
The problem is I don't have that precious virtue.
Or let me put it tactfully, I divert this virtue into some other areas, such as reading complicated and convoluted essays, new hobby.
Honesty is something, I perceive, greater than patience.
I'm lonely.
I need someone to talk to.
I want someone whom I can understand and capable of understanding me by my side always.
I want to talk without being afraid of offending this one, upsetting that one.
If so unfortunate that there's no one to share my...hmm wisdom, I rather befriend loneliness.
It's a stupid friend.
Never really takes any initiative to help but is extremely capable of giving bizarre ideas regarding important life decisions.
Then again I guess it's my turn to control.
In any case why should you always heed an advice of friends for your life direction?
Am I not an fully grown adult?
Why should I always let my friends to influence me?
Can't I influence them instead?
Must my loneliness be the same as those that pestering other poor souls?
Matter of choice.
I will smile to the end.
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